Badass people from history

1. Ching Shih
She was a Chinese prostitute who
married a pirate and took over
his fleet when he died. She ran
her ships with an iron fist and
took no shit and was super
successful, to the point that the
Chinese government sent out an
armada to stop her. She kicked
their asses and captured 63 of
their ships. They fought for two
years and even brought in Dutch
and British ships before they
gave up and offered amnesty to
her and her 17,000 crewmen.
She got to keep ALL of her loot,
spent her later years running a
brothel/casino and lived to be
2. Jack Churchill
He was a WW2 Commando who
served with distinction in a
number of theaters, his exploits
earned him the Military Cross.
He was known as ‘Mad Jack’ by
his men and his fellow officers
for his ferociousness in combat.
Unlike his more conventional
peers his weapons of choice were
not the traditional British fire
arms of the period, instead he
chose to rush in to combat with a
fucking long bow, a fucking
sword and his trusty bag pipes.
In 1943 him and a corporal
infiltrated a German held town
in Sicily capturing 42 men and a
mortar position. With only his
bagpipes, sword and bow.
When the war ended in 1945
after the dropping of the bombs
on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, he
was extremely disappointed and
was quoted as saying “If it wasn’t
for those damn Yanks, we could
have kept the war going another
10 years.”
3. Khutulun
This Mongolian Princess insisted
that any man who wished to
marry her must defeat her in
wrestling, forfeiting horses to her
if they lost.
She gained 10,000 horses
defeating prospective suitors.
4. Genghis Khan
“I am the punishment of God. If
you had not committed great
sins, God would not have sent a
punishment like me to you.”
Only someone badass enough to
know they are badass enough to
say that can be considered the
baddest ass in history.
5. Simo Häyhä
The White Death
6. “Tank Man”
Tank Man, of Tiananmen Square
We tend to think that you need
an army at your back to be a
badass, but when you’re a true
badass you face the army in
front of you even when there’s
no one behind you.
7. Rasputin
Trusted advisor to the Romanov
family and was nearly
impossible to kill (poisoned, shot,
8. Christopher Lee
*worked in military intelligence
during WW2, the character of
James Bond is supposed to be
part based on him (Ian Fleming
was his cousin.)
About his war service (from
wikipedia): Lee spent time with
the Gurkhas of the 8th Indian
Infantry Division during the
Battle of Monte Cassino. -While
spending some time on leave in
Naples, Lee climbed Mount
Vesuvius, which erupted three
days later. – During the final
assault on Monte Cassino, the
squadron was based in San
Angelo and Lee was nearly killed
when one of the planes crashed
on takeoff and he tripped over
one of its live bombs.
*played Count Dracula in a string
of popular Hammer Horror films;
a James Bond villain in The Man
with the Golden Gun; Lord
Summerisle in The Wicker Man;
Saruman in The Lord of the
Rings films and The Hobbit films;
and Count Dooku in the final two
films of the Star Wars prequel
*released a Heavy metal album
at the age of 88; has won awards
for his metal music; the single he
released in his 90th birthday
made him the genre’s oldest
performer; he had a song in the
Billboard Hot 100 in December
2013 making him — at 91 — the
living oldest performer to ever
chart; released an EP earlier this
year, at 92.
If he’s not the world’s baddest
ass, he might still be the worlds
most interesting man.
9. Subutai
Subutai, Ghengis Khan’s primary
military strategist. Tore through
Eastern Europe like tearing toilet
paper, with only a scouting force.
Check out the wiki link, because
he was unbelievable.
10. Roy P. Benavidez
“Sergeant Benavidez’ gallant
choice to join voluntarily his
comrades who were in critical
straits, to expose himself
constantly to withering enemy
fire, and his refusal to be
stopped despite numerous severe
wounds, saved the lives of at
least eight men. His fearless
personal leadership, tenacious
devotion to duty, and extremely
valorous actions in the face of
overwhelming odds were in
keeping with the highest
traditions of the military service,
and reflect the utmost credit on
him and the United States
Army.” – Medal of Honor citation
11. Anne Boleyn
I’ll always stand by Anne Boleyn
– she manipulated an infamous
king into turning away from his
beloved religion, kill his
supporters who objected
(Cardinal Wolsey), and broke
with the church to marry her.
She’s usually seen as conniving, a
witch and evil, but in a male
dominated world she cut out her
own path and went from low
born to the queen of England.
She’s such an interesting person
in my opinion
12. Frederick the Great
Frederick the Great is one of the
most underrated badasses in
history. The guy took on Austria,
France, Russia, Poland, Sweden,
and a bunch of smaller German
and Italian states and won with
his tiny kingdom-Prussia. He
turned a small obscure German
state into the nation that would
end up uniting Germany and
guide it on its path to evoking the
most powerful country on
Earth…until WW1. He was also a
very wise monarch. He was
friends with Voltaire and passed
reforms that helped out the serfs
and Jews.
13. Boudicca
The Queen of the Iceni tribe of
ancient celts, she led a ragtag
army of Celtic tribes against the
invading and highly organized
roman army. She burnt
Londonium (modern day
London) to the ground and
wiped out a decent portion of
Roman forces. And, oh yeah, this
is after the Romans came and
ignored her rule, beat her up,
and raped her two daughters.
Boudicca didn’t mess around.
14. Albert “Hard” Jacka
“On the morning of 7 August
1916, after a night of heavy
shelling, the Germans began to
overrun a portion of the line
which included Jacka’s dug-out.
Jacka had just completed a
reconnaissance, and had gone to
his dug-out when two Germans
appeared at its entrance and
rolled a bomb down the
doorway, killing two of his men.
Emerging from the dug-out, Jacka
came upon a large number of
Germans rounding up some forty
Australians as prisoners. Only
seven men from his platoon had
recovered from the blast; rallying
these few, he charged at the
enemy. Heavy hand-to-hand
fighting ensued, as the Australian
prisoners turned on their
captors. Every member of the
platoon was wounded, including
Jacka who was wounded seven
times; including a bullet that
passed through his body under
his right shoulder, and two head
wounds. Fifty Germans were
captured and the line was
retaken; Jacka was personally
credited with killing between
twelve and twenty Germans
during the engagement.”
And that was the second time he
had done something like that.
I suspect he was a terminator
sent back to save some
historically important
15. Bruce Lee
“He was a ruthless boxer,
dominated street fights, and
created his own style of martial
arts, “the style of no style.” He
could do one-handed two-
fingered push-ups, fifty one-
handed pull-ups, and play ping-
pong with nunchucks. He’s the
father of the “unstoppable
punch” and two human kids. He
inspired the Tekken character
Marshall Law, and his feature-
length films made him a cultural
16. Michael Malloy
Malloy was a homeless alcoholic
man. Five men took out life
insurance policies on him and
tried to get him to drink himself
to death by giving him unlimited
credit at a bar that one of them
owned (so that they could collect
the money from the insurance
company). This wasn’t working
fast enough, so they started
putting anti-freeze in his drink…
then turpentine, then horse
tranquiliser, and finally rat
poison. None of them killed
The men then tried feeding him
raw oysters with wood alcohol
and poisoned, spoiled sardine
sandwiches (filled with carpet
nails). Again, none of this
worked, so they waited for him
to pass out drunk one night, then
dragged his body out into the -26
°C night and left him there to
sleep (pouring 20 litres of water
on him for good measure). The
next day, Malloy came into the
bar and ordered another drink.
The group then ran him over
with a car at 70km/h. This
hospitalised him for a few weeks,
but again, didn’t kill him.
Eventually they succeeded by
putting a gas pipe down his
throat (after he passed out drunk
of course) and pumping gas into
him for an hour. The group were
later convicted of murder (due,
in no small part, to the fame of
Malloy’s durability), with four of
them receiving the death
17. Daniel Inouye
Second longest serving Senators
in US History (representing
Hawaii since it gained statehood
in 1959) and a WWII vet with
this remarkable story to tell:
“On April 21, 1945, Inouye was
grievously wounded while
leading an assault on a heavily-
defended ridge near San Terenzo
in Tuscany, Italy, called Colle
Musatello. The ridge served as a
strongpoint along the strip of
German fortifications known as
the Gothic Line, which
represented the last and most
unyielding line of German
defensive works in Italy. As he
led his platoon in a flanking
maneuver, three German
machine guns opened fire from
covered positions just 40 yards
away, pinning his men to the
ground. Inouye stood up to
attack and was shot in the
stomach; ignoring his wound, he
proceeded to attack and destroy
the first machine gun nest with
hand grenades and fire from his
Thompson submachine gun.
After being informed of the
severity of his wound by his
platoon sergeant, he refused
treatment and rallied his men for
an attack on the second machine
gun position, which he also
successfully destroyed before
collapsing from blood loss.
As his squad distracted the third
machine gunner, Inouye crawled
toward the final bunker,
eventually drawing within 10
yards. As he raised himself up
and cocked his arm to throw his
last grenade into the fighting
position, a German inside the
bunker fired a rifle grenade that
struck him on the right elbow,
severing most of his arm and
leaving his own primed grenade
reflexively “clenched in a fist
that suddenly didn’t belong to me
Inouye’s horrified soldiers
moved to his aid, but he shouted
for them to keep back out of fear
his severed fist would
involuntarily relax and drop the
grenade. While the German
inside the bunker reloaded his
rifle, Inouye pried the live
grenade from his useless right
hand and transferred it to his
left. As the German aimed his
rifle to finish him off, Inouye
tossed the grenade into the
bunker and destroyed it. He
stumbled to his feet and
continued forward, silencing the
last German resistance with a
one-handed burst from his
Thompson before being wounded
in the leg and tumbling
unconscious to the bottom of the
ridge. When he awoke to see the
concerned men of his platoon
hovering over him, his only
comment before being carried
away was to gruffly order them
to return to their positions, since,
as he pointed out, “nobody called
off the war!”
18. Stanley “Swede” Vejtasa
He was an American pilot during
WWII. At the Battle of the Coral
Sea, he shot down two Japanese
Zeroes in an SBD Dauntless – a
dive bomber – and rammed a
third. Upon learning of this, the
Navy transferred him to a fighter
wing flying F4F Wildcats. Later,
at the Battle of Santa Cruz, he
became an “ace in a day”,
shooting down seven Japanese
planes in a single sortie. At least
one of these kills was
accomplished after running out
of ammunition; he charged an
enemy plane (which was also out
of ammunition) head-on at low
altitude and forced it to crash.
He survived the war, as well.
19. Grainne Mhaol (known as
Grace O’Malley by the English)
16th Irish noblewoman, when
she was a child her father (the
chieftain of the Uí Mháille clan)
refused to take her to sea and
she cut off all her hair to
embarrass him into taking her
(her nickname means Bald
She was born at a time when the
Tudor conquest of Ireland was
picking up the pace. Throughout
her life she was a pirate, she was
leader of fighters, under her
leadership castles and forts were
taken and withstood sieges, she
was a revolutionary and war-
leader and when Elizabeth I
captured her sons and brother,
she came to the royal court and
negotiated their release in Latin,
as she spoke no English and
Elizabeth spoke no Irish. Her life
would seriously fill about ten
20. Audie Murphy
Audie Murphy, aka real life
Captain America. He was 16 in
1942, weighing 110 pounds and
standing 5’5″. He applied to both
the Marines and Air Force, but
was turned down by both, and
eventually managed to get into
the Army, where he passed out
halfway through training but
insisted on going to fight.
He contracted malaria in Italy,
but was still sent into France in
1944, where he found a German
machine gun crew who
pretended to surrender, then
shot his best friend. Murphy
flipped shit, killed everyone in
the gun nest, then used their
weaponry to kill every Nazi in a
100-yard radius.
6 months later, his company
(down to 19 men out of the
original 128) was tasked with
defending a critical region in
France. The Nazis showed up
with a ton of guys, so Murphy
and his men sent out their
M-10’s, which didn’t do much.
They were about to be overrun
when the skinny short kid with
malaria ran to one of the
burning M-10’s, grabbed the
machine gun, and started
mowing down every enemy he
could see. He kept going for an
hour, until he ran out of bullets,
then walked back to his men as
the tank exploded behind him.
21. Leo Major
For starters, he was part of the D-
Day invasion. That very day, he
killed a squad of German soldiers
and captured a half-track that
was loaded with intelligence
Quite a while later, he ran into 4
SS soldiers and killed all of them.
However, one hit him with a
phosphorous grenade, blinding
him in one eye. He refused
discharge, saying that as long as
he could see through the scope,
he had enough eyes.
During the Battle of the Scheldt,
Major single-handedly captured
93 German soldiers and was
offered a Distinguished Conduct
Medal. He refused, saying that
the man awarding it, General
Bernard Montgomery, was an
incompetent, so any award from
him was worthless.
In the beginning of 1945, he was
in a vehicle that struck a
landmine. He broke both ankles,
4 ribs, and fractured 3
vertebrae. He still continued,
refusing evacuation.
In April of that year, his unit
came upon the Dutch city of
Zwolle. His commander asked for
two volunteers for a
reconnaissance mission. Major
and his friend Willie
volunteered. They were expected
to go see how many German
soldiers were in the town.
Shortly into their mission, Willie
was killed, and the plan changed.
Major was out for blood. He went
down the street guns blazing and
throwing grenades while yelling
in French to convince the
Germans that the Canadians had
sent their whole force into the
town. He captured nearly one
hundred German troops who
went fleeing from their cover.
Later that night, he came upon
the Gestapo HQ and burned it to
the ground. He barged into the
SS HQ later that same night,
killed 4, and ran the other 4 out
of town. At 4:30 a. m. He
discovered that the city belonged
to the Dutch again, and the
Germans had been run out. He
received a Distinguished Conduct
Medal for single-handedly
liberating the town of Zwolle.
But he still wasn’t done. In the
Korean War, he was asked to
lead a strike team of elite snipers
to support an American division.
He and his twenty men took the
hill single-handedly and held it
while nearly 20,000 Chinese
soldiers attacked their position.
He was ordered to retreat.
Instead, he held the hill for three
days until reinforcements
arrived. For this action, he
received a bar to his DCM.
22. Hugh Glass
While the story is probably
embellished some, it’s still
amazing. While on a fur
trapping expedition, he was
mauled by a grizzly bear, which
he killed with some help, then
passed out. Later, he woke up to
find his party abandoned him
and he had no equipment. So he
cleaned his multiple wounds,
used the bear’s skin as a
bandage, and spent the next six
weeks making it back to
civilization. Along the way he
fought off wolves, made his own
raft to travel down a river, and
with the help of natives sewed
the bear skin in place to replace
his own.
23. Witold Pilecki
Witold Pilecki was a Polish
soldier and resistance member
who volunteered to get
imprisoned in the Auschwitz
concentration camp in order to
gather intelligence and escape.
While in the camp, Pilecki
organized a resistance movement
and as early as 1941, informed
the Western Allies of Nazi
Germany’s Auschwitz atrocities.
He escaped from the camp in
1943 after nearly 3 years of
24. Louis Zamperini
To elaborate, he was a tiny guy
that ran track for the US Olympic
team in Germany. He got cleated
up so bad by the other runners
he was bleeding all over the
place and he busted it down the
final stretch, didn’t win but the
crowd was going nuts for the guy
so much so that hitler asked to
shake his hand after the race.
Plane gets shot down in ww2,
survives longer a drift than
anyone has ever survived while
fighting off sharks.
Washes ashore a Japanese prison
camp, much badassery ensues
here. Gets tortured for a couple
years and after he’s released, this
cat returns to japan to tell his
torturer that he forgives him, the
coward won’t meet him.
This guy even died on the Fourth
of July. Oh and some say he was
actually the first to run a mile in
under four minutes, in the sand.
25. General John J. Pershing
If Commanding General of the
American Expeditionary Forces
in WWI, John J. Pershing was
alive today, he would probably
say the following on how to deal
with suicide bombers and deter
Islamic terrorists: further action
can be taken once they blow
themselves up; there is an
effective substance that can deter
these bombers. Its pork, and it
will deny any Muslim extremist
what they seek after death.
During the Philippine Wars
1899-1913, we fought another
Islamic terrorist group called the
Moro’s, which were decisively
quelled by John J. Pershing. One
tactic he employed is said to
have happened in 1911, when
Pershing was serving as
commander of a garrison.
Following numerous Islamic
terrorist attacks, Pershing
captured fifty of the Moro’s, and
used their religion against them.
Forced to dig their own graves,
the terrorists were all tied to
posts, for execution by firing
squad. American soldiers then
brought in pigs, slaughtered
them, and then coated their
bullets with the blood and fat
from the pigs. Pershing turned
the tables, and terrorized these
terrorists; he ensured they saw
that once struck by the firing
squad’s bullets, they would be
contaminated with the pig’s
Even worse, their bodies would
be dumped in a grave with a pig
carcass, meaning that they could
not enter Heaven, even if they
were engaged in a Jihad.
Pershing followed through with
the operation.
Forty-nine Moro’s were shot,
their bodies dumped into the
graves, and the dead pig
carcasses and entrails poured all
over them. The Fiftieth Moro was
spared, and allowed to return to
his camp, to spread the word to
his fellow Jihadists what
happened to the others. He must
have made it clear what fate
awaits any Jihadists caught by
the Americans from that point
forward, as it brought an end to
terrorism in the Philippines for
the next 50 years.
While it is nearly impossible to
capture, or even identify a
suicide bomber in the current
situations in Iraq and
Afghanistan prior to an attack
(such as Pershing’s men did), it’s
also not necessary in the age of
video and media. In 1911 it was
important for Pershing to take
some prisoners, so these
terrorists could clearly see the act
of being buried with pigs was
upon them, and then let one go to
spread the word.
Today, we need only to film it
and pass the documented acts to
CNN and Al-Jazeera. The whole
world will get the picture;
especially the whole radical
Muslim world. We don’t have to
line anyone up in front of a
firing squad.
We only need to scoop up the
remaining body parts from the
next suicide bomber, and video
the mixing of the bombers
remains with pig meat. Then
provide the statement: “from this
point forward, the United States
Army will send plenty of pork
and some personnel to each
bombing site, to perform this
ritual of combining the bomber’s
parts with pig parts as standard
operating procedure and in
commemoration of General
Pershing’s victory over earlier
Islamic Extremists in 1911.”
After seeing one of these video
clips, many would-be suicide
bombers will probably pass on
the chance, rather ran run the
risk of having his still intact foot
or arm mixed with pig parts.
And hopefully, the over fifty
percent (by some polls) of
Muslim’s who think it is a good
idea to kill American soldiers
will change their thinking about
that too.
The same should be applied on
US soil as well. Let’s make it
clear any Islamic terrorist caught
dead or alive will have their
remains subjected to the same
fate exacted by John J. Pershing
in 1911. Any suicide pilot who
attempts using an aircraft as a
missile, or suicide bomber who
plans to detonate a vest of
explosives in a mall or subway,
better hope all of his remains are
vaporized, because whatever is
found will be contaminated with
pork, filmed and made available
for public broadcast. And any
Islamist terrorist, who gets the
death penalty, will get the pig
parts treatment too.
Having to do something like this
may seem somewhat disgusting.
Who wouldn’t find the physical
handling of bloody body parts
and greasy bloody pig parts
disgusting? But then it is only
disgusting so far as a normal
human revulsion for medical
procedures. The truly disgusting
part of this action is what it is
designed to combat; the cowardly
act of the suicide bomber.
26. Leroy Jenkins
27. Cao Cao


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